II. Christ Gives Me a Future
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
“I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.”
Mark 10:29-30
My conversion to Jesus Christ
In the 37th year of the founding of the Republic of China (1948), Tanggu was taken by the Communist army. Tianjin was in danger. My father-in-law spent countless gold bullion to charter the last flight from Tianjin to Taiwan for the family, via Shanghai. There was not even a custom official in sight when the plane landed in Taipei. We settled down at Number 6-2, 141st Lane, Section 1 of East Hoping Road. It was a place prepared for us before our arrival. Many people accompanied me in my journey to Taiwan; my mother-in-law, a younger sister-in-law, a younger brother-in-law, my husband, my two sons, my daughter and a maid were with me. However, my father-in-law was left behind because of the property in Tianjin and other business matters.
Everything took a drastic change after our arrival to Taiwan. We had valuable commodities in hog hair and furs, yet they were not shipped to the United States from Tianjin as planned. For our living expenses we had to rely on what we brought from the mainland: gold bullion and American dollars. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law weren’t used to the life in Taiwan and soon returned to Tianjin. My brother-in-law went to study in the United States.
Coming to such a strange place as Taipei, my whole family had to start from scratch. In Tianjin, my husband and my father-in-law had been in the export business of hog hair and fur. Taiwan was in a subtropical zone and there were no hog hair or furs at all. Soon, a few friends from Shanghai came to my husband and asked him to invest in a movie distribution business. He decided to do so. However, our gold bullion and American dollars disappeared soon after the company declared bankruptcy. With no other alternative, I had to find a job. Fortunately, I found a secretarial job in the U.S. Government’s Economic Aid Agency in Taipei, Taiwan (ECA). I was paid very handsomely by the standards of that time.
Although making a living was no longer a critical issue, I was deeply tormented inside. I was emotionally depressed. I suffered physically from migraine headaches and a stomach ulcer. However, the most serious ailment I had was insomnia. Many times I thought, since I’m suffering so much, I might as well die and get it over with! But then I thought, the three kids are so young, what about them? I needed to find some kind of religious faith for them.
Both my parents were Buddhists back in Tianjin and our house had displayed all kinds of idols for worship. My father frequently made donations to the Buddhist temples that were sponsored by the Buddhist Organization. He would also go to the temple to meditate and chant the Buddhist scriptures. However, like many other people, he also married concubines and had the habit of smoking opium. My doubt in the Buddhist religion had its roots in my college years. I had read many books of philosophy and tried to find the true meaning of life in this universe. I never found any answer.
One day, I read in the newspaper that U.S. President Eisenhower was coming to visit Taiwan. He was going to be accompanied by President Chiang Kai-shek on Sunday to worship God in a church. I had always been a great admirer of President Eisenhower. I pondered privately on why such a great person with so many outstanding military accomplishments would believe and rely on God.
One Sunday morning, I called a street pedicab and asked him to take me to a church. When the carter asked me which church I wanted to go to, I remembered seeing a church with a pointed roof on North Zhoungshan Road and I asked him to take me there. I later learned it was a Presbyterian church. When I entered the church, they were already in the middle of their worship. I soon left since they were speaking in the local Taiwanese dialect and I couldn’t understand a word. Luckily, the carter was still there, so I got on the pedicab again. Suddenly, I remembered hearing some co-workers on the bus talk about Sunday morning services at the YMCA on Wu Chang Street and I asked the carter to take me to that church. When I arrived there, the worship service had just started. The minister was a British missionary by the Chinese name of Enguang Yao (I don’t remember his English name). Pastor Yao was giving a very simple message: after a person receives Jesus as his savior, thus becoming a Christian, he will be filled with peace and joy and he will love others just as he loves himself. A real Christian would live just as Jesus did with His glory and beauty. I was greatly moved by that message. I decided to attend the family meeting led by Pastor Yao to find out more about it. I got a Bible and bought a hymnbook and I started reading the Bible from then on. Pastor Yao soon went back to his homeland, but I continued to participate in the Sunday Worship Services.
I was fascinated by the Bible from the moment I started reading it and I found the truth I had been seeking after so many years. I found the answers to all my questions: Where do we come from? Where will be after we die? What kind of life should we live in this world? Under the influence of our ancient philosophers and our own conscience, we should live a life of honesty and integrity. However, in reality today, you see selfish and crooked people all around you, and they often have a better chance at success in life. Faced with such a distorted and erroneous social phenomenon, how can we teach and guide our next generation?
All those questions puzzled me for years — and I found the answers in the Bible. There is an Almighty God in the universe who tells us exactly why some people are good and others are wicked. People who follow a good path will eventually be blessed and those who follow an evil path may achieve temporary success and satisfaction. However, in the end they will be judged by God when that day comes. I was like a thirsty person who was suddenly satisfied by the sweet water of a creek. I was like a lost person who finally found the right road. I couldn’t help but blame people around me for not telling me about the Bible or giving me a Bible earlier. If I had started reading the Bible earlier, I would have become a Christian sooner. That would have stopped me from wasting so much time searching for the truth or making so many regretful mistakes. Only then did I realize that if you have sin on your conscience, it doesn’t do you any good even if everyone praises you. There is no real value in all those superficial achievements or praises from man. This is why I have formed the habit of giving the Bible to friends, neighbors or colleagues. Whenever there was a chance, I would constantly give out Bibles. The Bible is a great treasure to me because my Heavenly Father was speaking to me through the Bible. How precious that is!
As I think back on how I became a Christian, I realize it was the work of my Heavenly Father indeed. All the stories told in this book are real life experiences. I know not every Christian will share exactly the same experiences, since God has His unique ways of guiding each person. The Holy Spirit must have given me special care and attention because I am a first-generation Christian in a Buddhist family. After participating in the Sunday services a few times, I started reading the Bible regularly. I had not truly known our God yet; I only had a feeling I had found the path to life.
The Holy Spirit continued to guide me step by step. One day, I came home from work feeling exhausted from both insomnia and an ulcer. I laid on the bed with tears in my eyes and I didn’t eat dinner. I was in total despair and again felt the difficulty in carrying on with my life. In the middle of my tears and heart-breaking sorrow, a passage from the Bible came to my mind. I seemed to have read such a verse in church. It is found in Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give your rest.” I did not know what prayer meant at the time, but I talked to God, “Jesus, if You are the true God, You should know I am one of those who are weary and burdened, are You going to give me rest?” After I finished talking, I felt something like a chilled, soothing liquid being slowly poured on my head. It was not water, but heavier, like the condensed mercury that flows so freely in the thermometer. It gradually dripped over, very soothing and relaxing and soon I fell into a deep, sound sleep and did not wake up until the next morning after a sweet night’s sleep. This had not happened for so many years. After I woke up, I felt refreshed and spirited and all my illnesses seem to have disappeared. Before that happened, I had to get a Vitamin B complex shot every day, in the middle of my office work. On that day, I called Doctor Bao and told her, “I don’t need those shots today!” And I have never had another one since.
Through this incident, I came to know Jesus. I realized the Jesus in the Bible is real. He heard my prayer and He cured my insomnia. After that experience, I started to invite my husband and my kids to go to the Sunday services at the YMCA in Taipei. It was a Christian group led by Elder Wu Yung. Meanwhile, I also started telling other people about Jesus, even though I wasn’t a born-again Christian yet. I had always thought of myself as a “good person,” who was a good student at school with good behavior. Even more, I enjoyed doing good deeds, giving money to beggars whenever I saw one. The first time I prayed to God, I was only asking Him to help me cure my insomnia or solve some of the problems in my life. I didn’t know I had sin against God and that only through Jesus Christ, who died for my sin, could I be saved.
One night, I dreamt I was talking to a friend and I saw a pile of dirty things on top of her head. She was completely unaware of it and kept talking to me in a high and snobby air. While I was quite puzzled, a voice seemed to remind me that maybe there were similar dirty things on top of my head, too. Another time, I dreamt I was committing sinful things (I can’t remember what they were). I felt it was strange after I woke up, since I had never done anything like that in real life. Why was it I dreamt such similar dreams one after another? Was it because I was really not so clean and innocent as I thought I was?
From reading the Bible, I learned that wickedness, greed, jealousy, aggressiveness, pride, anger and malicious talk were all elements of sin. One night, I was alone in the house and I couldn’t help wondering if I was a sinner, too. Soon, I fell on my knees and started to examine myself to see what kinds of sin I had committed. The first thing that came to my mind was my pride. I had always thought of myself as better than others and I started to repent before the Lord. Then jealousy came to my mind. In my days at school, I was always first in class and always afraid that the student in second would do better than me. The next sin was lying. Sometimes, I would lie for the sake of being convenient. I would have my maids tell callers I wasn’t at home, when I really was. Still, the next sin was having a bad temper. I could lose my temper easily before my husband or the maid if I didn’t feel well or was in a bad mood. I repented before the Lord for all those sins and finally came to realize I was not quite the “good person” I had always thought I was. Instead, I was an unclean sinner deserving only punishment in hell. Only then did I realize why our Lord Jesus was crucified as a ransom for my sins. I decided to repent to be a new creation as a follower of the Lord and to believe in Him. After I got up, I felt a peace inside me that I had never experienced before. For the first time, I accepted Jesus as my savior.
After that, I was baptized by Elder Wu Yung in the East Nanking Road Christian Church in Taipei. I felt very clearly a warmth going through me during the ceremony. I had the feeling of coming back home after a very long time of wandering.
Answering God’s Call
I continued to work in my job as a secretary after I decided to follow the Lord. While I was working in front of the typewriter, I could not help thinking about so many people around me who needed to know about Jesus. Sometimes, I would ask myself why I was still here, why I was still working to earn a few American dollars while people were “weary and burdened,” while people desperately needed help.
Once, I hosted a party of former graduates from SWAU in my home. Among them were CEOs, professors, entrepreneurs and so forth. After dinner, I talked to them about the Gospel and tried to persuade them to believe in the Lord. A few among them had read the Bible before and raised a few questions for me. Some of the questions were: If someone slaps you on the left side of your face, are you going to let them slap your right side, too? Since it was just after I became a Christian, and my understanding of the Bible was only superficial, there was no way I could have answered all those questions. I realized I needed to learn more before I could tell people about the Gospel.
During a church meeting, one of the Christian brothers told his testimony of how he had already quit his job. He was preparing to take the test for a theological seminary so he could devote himself to a missionary’s life. After the meeting, I asked him where the seminary was and he gave me an address and told me I should go see Pastor Rongjiang Zhang, the director of the Academic Affairs Department in the Taiwan Baptist Theological Seminary.
With great hope, I went to see Pastor Zhang and told him I would be willing to take the test for the seminary so I would be better prepared to preach. At the time, I was wearing a bright red outfit and high heels. ECA required a formal dress code, but most of the local Chinese dressed in plain conservative clothing at that time. Seeing me in such an outfit, Pastor Zhang learned I had never taken part in any church-related works. He recommended I not take the test for the time being. Instead, I should host family meetings and learn how to lead people to the Lord first. After I came home, I talked to the Lord in my prayers, “Lord, I sincerely wish to devote myself to preaching the Gospel, but I cannot get admittance to the seminary. What should I do?”
If it weren’t for the call from the Lord, I would have given up the idea of devoting my life to preaching. But God always works in His miraculous ways. One day, I got a letter from the University of Michigan in the U.S. The letter stated I was chosen to receive a scholarship for outstanding oriental women and I was to study for a doctorate degree in the College of Economics. At the end of the letter, there was a special note. It stated I should give them a prompt reply as to whether I would accept the scholarship, since there were other candidates in consideration. This is how it happened: after I arrived in Taiwan, I sent a letter to a good friend. In it, I expressed my wish to study in the U.S. Together with the letter, I sent a copy of my college transcript for both my undergraduate and graduate studies. I had totally forgotten about it and was taken completely by surprise when my friend secured this scholarship for me.
In the silence of the night, I got on my knees and prayed to God, “My Heavenly Father, You know I am willing to devote myself to preaching the Gospel, but the seminary rejected me. Should I go study in the Unites States? I plan to visit the president of the seminary tomorrow with this letter. If he is willing to admit me as a student, then I will go study in the seminary. Otherwise, I will take this scholarship and study in the United States first.”
The next day, I went to the seminary to see the president, Dr. Charles Culpeper, with the letter in my hand. After I told him why I was there, Dr. Culpeper instantly admitted me to the seminary. Immediately, I replied to the letter and told them I was unable to accept the scholarship and to give it to someone else. That night, I knelt before God and said, “My Heavenly Father, for the sake of preaching Your words, I have given up this scholarship, and I will never go to the Unites States in the future.” At this time, a faint voice said to me, “Don’t say never yet. What if God wants you to go?” I replied, “I will only go if God asks me to. Now I look back seeing how God would call me to go study in the U.S. on some later day. God has worked in His miraculous ways in leading me on every step on my journey to full-time missionary work.
Soon, I received the notice from the seminary for the admissions test. After I was accepted for admission, I discussed my options with my husband. Should I quit my job at the ECA organization and study at the seminary? Although my husband was already going to church with me quite regularly, he still wasn’t a Christian. He naturally did not want me to quit my job. Because he loved me very much and because he was always willing to let me do what I liked, he consented. My supervisor at the ECA was an American medical specialist and when he learned I was going to quit my job to study in the seminary, he shook his head as a sign of disapproval. He thought it a great pity that I would give up such a great job and he made an exception for me: I could work in the afternoon and go to school in the morning. My husband was happy with this arrangement and I tried this for awhile. During this time, I had the feeling I was living in two entirely different worlds. With each day that passed, I felt more and more uncomfortable with this arrangement and I decided to quit this part-time job. While I was walking in the street that afternoon, a voice said to me, “One seed, if not dropped in the field and dies, will remain one wheat seed. If it is dropped in the field and dies, more seeds will be grown out of it” (John 12:24). To me, it sounded like praise and approval from the Holy Spirit for my decision to give up my worldly job.
After I quit the job, I no longer had any income. Before that, I was earning good money to help with the family expenses. However, now I had to pay my tuition to study in the seminary. Before that, I was chauffeured to and from work. Now I had to take the bus to go to seminary. I often recited Psalm 23 when I was on the bus to the seminary: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want . . .” I had tears in my eyes as I recited. For awhile, I could only afford to eat some rice porridge topped with some salted turnip, in order to save money. The seminary did not have its own dining hall at the time.
Satan often attacked me by saying, “You are such a selfish person that you care only about your own study and you have left your family behind. Don’t you care about your children’s education in the future?” As I prayed to our Heavenly Father about my living condition, God gave me a very clear answer. God gave me two passages from the Bible:
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” for the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:30-33
“I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields—and with them persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.”
Mark 10:29-30
I held on tight to those two passages and experienced the miracles of God.
My husband’s younger brother-in-law had been an engineer at the Ashan Steel Mill before retreating to Taiwan. After arriving in Taiwan, he became an engineer in a mechanics company in Kaoshung. He had plans for manufacturing the underground water pipes and invited us to invest in the project. We accepted the invitation with pleasure and invested a sum of money and my sister-in-law did so as well. My husband and his brother-in-law drafted a very simple business proposal. They started inviting people to invest in it. Theoretically, such a proposal fell into the category of heavy industry. It would be a big challenge to gain the trust of those people with money. It was especially difficult, since we were new in the field and didn’t have many contacts or much experience. Nevertheless, things may be difficult for human beings, but nothing is impossible for God. God miraculously moved quite a few entrepreneurs. Enough funds were raised effortlessly for buying the land and building the factory. In the same month that I quit my job at ECA, my husband took office as the director of the steering committee of the China Cast Iron Pipe Factory. He started to receive a salary and there was something totally unexpected; his salary was twice my salary before! God’s promises to us are never broken.
In the decades of its operation, the China Cast Iron Pipe Factory produced cast iron pipes in Taiwan. My husband was the Vice President and his brother-in-law was the General Engineer. The income we received from this operation provided more than enough for the whole family and our every need. Although I decided to live a poor life when I became a Christian, God did not allow me to suffer. What God has prepared for us is always more than what we expect or desire. That is why I have decided to write down my life stories before I leave this world. I want our brothers and sisters to know the Heavenly Father we believe in and rely on is exceptionally kind and loving. He is a real and living God.