VI. Retirement in the U.S.
”You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.”
Isaiah 54:12-13
After serving the MeiRen Baptist Church and its four branches for more than 10 years, I was already 62 years old and although I was still rather healthy, the work began to weigh heavier and heavier on me.
The church and the missions were required to be legal entities which involved a lot of paperwork. Since I was the pastor of the MeiRen Baptist Church and its affiliate missions, I was naturally the Chairman of the Board for the various legal entities. It became my responsibility to deal, approve and sign various legal documents including those related to the pastor’s residence, mission sites, church sites, etc. At the time, the MeiRen Baptist Church had its own affiliate kindergarten and it was through the kindergarten we hoped to reach the parents. I was the principal and the workload in the church was especially heavy.
I was responsible for two to three Sunday sermons each month and I hosted the Tuesday morning Bible study and prayer meetings. I led prayer and Bible study meetings on Wednesday nights. I attended the women’s missionary meetings on Thursdays. I went to the church men’s ministry meetings on Friday nights. On Saturday nights, I was at the youth group and young adult meetings. Although I didn’t have to attend every session of the men’s ministry meetings or the youth group meetings, I wanted to oversee and know what was happening. I often was asked to give speeches on special topics in those meetings. On top of all that, I was the speaker for the Sunday evening services and, on occasion, I was invited to speak at various missions, Sunday services at other churches, or special meetings.
One day, it suddenly occurred to me. The sole reason that I had dedicated myself to preaching the Gospel was to lead people to follow the Lord. But now, I was like a chairperson in a big company buried under a whole load of administrative affairs. That ran contrary to my original dedication to preach the gospel. Even more, those affairs had caused my inattention to my family, as I had neglected my responsibility as both a wife and mother. Some church brothers and sisters suggested I hire more assistants. However, I was always extremely frugal when it came to spending church offerings. My salary as a pastor in the church started at $1000 NT per month. It increased annually until my retirement at which I would receive $15, 000 NT per month. The church employed only one person for the church maintenance and also paid for the teaching scholarships of one or two seminary students. Other church members took care of all of the mission work. I always encouraged the church members to give more money to foreign missions, the Southern Baptist Convention, the local missions, the various joint evangelical meetings by other churches in Taiwan, and so on. We tried our best to cut down on our expenses so we could have the extra funds to support external activities or pioneering mission work.
Day by day, I started to feel more and more strongly that I should retire. The time had come and the responsibility of the church should be handed to someone younger. In my heart, I struggled with conflicting thoughts. Throughout the years, the MeiRen Baptist Church had become the ‘Isaac” of my heart and I loved that church dearly. They also loved me dearly. Through more than 10 years of service, there had never been any disputes. There was never a lack of love in the church. Indeed, it was a big harmonious family filled with the love and leading of the Holy Spirit. It was really hard for me to tear myself away from such a big family — the brothers, sisters, and youth that I had been praying for day and night. I repeatedly prayed and prayed, wept and wept. I told the senior church workers of my idea to retire and I finally made the decision under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I followed the example of Abraham and I put the ‘Isaac’ of my heart on the altar and made an offering to the Lord. The church belongs to God. I firmly believed that the Lord would prepare the worker He would send to lead the church.
In 1985, I attended the Taiwan Baptist Church Convention where I met many church workers. I prayed privately that the Lord would guide me to find out if there was a church worker whom God had chosen to take my place. That was how I met Pastor Qingdao He, a pastor at the Shuinan Baptist Church in Taichung. He told me he was heading north to study at the Asian seminary in Taipei. I knew he was a faithful servant to God in his service to the Shuinan Baptist Church. He led their adult Sunday school, one of the best in the area. After my prayer, I talked to him about the need at MeiRen Baptist Church and I asked him to pray about being the pastor there. I also invited him to preach at the next Sunday service, so he would be able to meet and have fellowship with the brothers and sisters. Pastor He told me later that before he talked to me, he had prayed to God asking Him which church he would serve in the north. That was why he accepted our offer. Soon after, the RenAi Baptist Church of Taipei also offered him the pastorship of their church. He declined the offer. In this matter, I clearly saw the guidance from God.
After Pastor He and his wife came to the church, I formally presented my application to retire. Seeing there was no way to keep me, they accepted my application. The heart of all the church brothers, sisters and youth were still closely attached together with mine. After a period of service, Pastor He often commented, “It’s a tough job to be a stepfather.” That feeling is totally true and understandable.
Visiting Relatives and Friends in Mainland China
The first thing that came to my mind after I immigrated to the U.S was to go back to my hometown in mainland China. I wanted to visit my relatives, especially my younger sisters. They were the ones I wanted to see the most because we had not seen each other in more than 30 years. During those years, we never had the chance to communicate freely, as we only exchanged a few letters via a friend in Hong Kong and those letters were limited to greetings only. But the political stand in mainland China had changed and the “Taiwanese compatriots” even received preferential treatment when visiting. I contacted my niece who was working in Tianjin and I asked her to meet me at the Beijing airport. I also asked her to prepare a place for me to live in and to contact other relatives. After I arrived, I met with many of my cousins, from both my father’s and mother’s side.
After I settled down in my niece’s home in Tianjin, I started visiting my relatives and friends. One of my younger sisters was living in Tianjin and both she and her husband were enjoying good health. They had a total of eight children and all of them were married. Two of the children and their families lived in Beijing; the other families were in Tianjin. It was a very happy gathering and I gave each family $10 U.S. dollars as a greeting gift, since I wasn’t able to afford a gift for each child.
My elder sister-in-law also lived in Tianjin but my older brother had already passed away, leaving behind five children — with a set of twins. One of the children had immigrated to the U.S. The rest of them were all married and had kids. Both my other older brother and his wife had passed away, but one of their children lived in Nanchang.
In order to have everyone meet together, I had my niece reserve three banquet tables at the newly opened Hyatt Hotel. Before dinner was served, I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for the food. I told them I had accepted Jesus as my Savior in Taiwan and the peace and happiness of the whole family in both China and the U.S. had been a gift from God. I told them I was hopeful all of them would come to know the Lord someday.
Most of my relatives had been objects of persecution. One of my nieces was a schoolteacher. She told me, “I have been denounced by my students and forced to parade in the streets just for having an aunt like you in Taiwan.” She wasn’t the only one pouring out grievances. It seemed that everyone had an experience in suffering. Some had to hold worn-out high-heeled shoes by the mouth and were paraded through the streets. Others were driven out of their homes on cold winter nights wearing only their underwear. Still, some told me their neighbors had committed suicide. My niece’s neighbor owned some old antiques that were classified as national treasures. When the Red Guards went to search his house and confiscate them, he offered to donate those antiques to the country in exchange for his life. However, the Red Guards mercilessly smashed and destroyed all of them. Some of the teachers had half of their hair shaved off by students and a whole pot of spit dumped on their heads. I couldn’t hold back my tears while listening to those stories. How could Chinese people have been persecuted and trampled so mercilessly like that?
When I went to see my sister-in-law, she was seriously ill and she didn’t have very many days to live. She kept on talking to me, even though she was having trouble catching her breath. She was afraid she wouldn’t have another chance to see me again. She told me of how my older brother was denounced and how he eventually died of illness. She also told me of how her youngest daughter joined the Red Guards and led her classmates to her home to denounce her, calling her directly by her name without any respect. My eldest sister-in-law wept as she spoke of how the Cultural Revolution had indeed brought to the Chinese unprecedented disasters.
After my visit to my relatives and old friends, I asked my two nieces to come with me to visit my former residence in Tianjin. There had been such drastic changes in Tianjin that it was totally beyond my recognition. The 2-story British manor house I lived in at the British Concession now housed thirteen families and was completely altered. We knocked on the door and told them we were the former owners of the house and had come back from America. We requested permission to look at our former residence and went inside. There was a family in every room and the kitchen and bathrooms that had been new additions were now shared among the families. I took a few pictures and left quietly in sorrow. After that, I went to visit the former residence of my deceased mother-in-law. The experience was identical. The house was occupied by several families in the same fashion.
My relatives and friends insisted that we should petition to the government to return the estates to us. Some people even offered to represent us but, Yungkuei and I were both older and we weren’t lacking in anything. Why would we be greedy? Even more, it is not easy to get things done in China. You have to give the “red envelope” and “do things behind the counter.” We thought that was completely beyond what we Christians should do. Besides, what we had lost in China was far more than those two houses, the real estate in ShanYang, the soybeans, the looted hog hair and so forth. What are those worldly treasures in comparison to the blessings we have received from God and the reward prepared for us in heaven?
On Sunday, my niece was going to take me to church to worship the Lord, but she did not know where the church was. She was about to take me to a Catholic church, when I suddenly recalled a Wesley Church. At that time, Christian churches were just given permission. The service started at ten o’clock, but it was already full by the time we arrived. The preacher was an old man and we didn’t know if he was a pastor. His preaching was authentic doctrine and their choir had more than ten people. After the meeting, I asked a receptionist if the church needed Bibles. He nodded his head as a sign of “Yes.” When I asked him if we could send some over from the U.S., he hastily shook his head. I dared not ask any more questions and we left in a hurry.
During the trip to Tianjin, I visited my other older sister and my older sister-in-law for the last time. They both passed away soon after I came back to the U.S. While in Tianjin, I had tried to persuade them to believe in Christ and to enjoy everlasting life. I even taught them to recite prayers. They both agreed to accept my advice, while I don’t know if they heartily believed. In the few days of time, I dared not press them too hard. I believe that when many Christians and preachers go back to China, they would face the same problems.
From Tianjin, I had a train ride booked for a soft berth via Beijing to Hohhot where I was going to Inner Mongolia to visit my oldest sister. Arriving at Hohhot, I lived in my niece’s home. Her husband was a senior employee in the City Designing Institute of Hohhot and my niece was a senior engineer. Upon graduation from Nankai University, they were assigned by the government to reclaim the wasteland of Hohhot. When they first arrived, it was a desolate place. Through ten years of development and construction, it had become a mid-sized metro city. The Communist Party was good at developing remote areas.
The thought of meeting with my oldest sister after 30 years brought tears to my eyes. Our separation was like the separation of two worlds. My sister had always been very close to me. One of the reasons I made my trip was to see her. She became a widow at 20 and had lived in her maiden home with her only daughter. After I got married, I invited her and her daughter to stay with me to help with my housework and to take care of my children, which brought us even closer.
When I saw her, she was already in her eighties but she was healthy and spirited. We talked through the night as if there was no end to words. She was also “denounced” by the Communists, but didn’t suffer much fortunately. She threw the few pieces of jewelry that she had saved with a lifetime of hard work into the manure pile. She was afraid the Red Guards would find them and incriminate her. When a person is in danger, the only desire is to live and all valuables become meaningless.
I couldn’t wait to start witnessing to my sister. I told her how Jesus had saved me and blessed my whole family. I told her the she should also believe in Jesus. She was very sensible and agreed to accept the grace of the Lord. After that, I led her in repenting her sins and accepting Jesus as her personal Savior and I gave her a Bible and taught her how to use the Lord’s prayer to pray to Him.
I asked my niece to take me to find a local church to prepare for my sister’s baptism. Through a lot of effort, we finally found a church and went to attend their Sunday Service. The church was a pretty nice size with more than 70 people in attendance. Among them were a lot of the Hui people. The preacher was very old and had a heavy accent. That prevented us from understanding his preaching and I believe my sister didn’t quite understand his speech. The fact that my sister lived on the second floor made it difficult for her to get out by climbing the stairs and both my niece and her husband were busy with their jobs. It wouldn’t be practical to expect them to take her to church all the time. After thinking, meditating and praying, I decided to baptize her myself. Since immersion wasn’t possible, I used the sprinkling ceremony and the whole family attended. After reading the Bible and praying, I reverently baptized her. That was the first and only time I conducted a baptism ceremony. Baptizing my beloved sister fulfilled the greatest desire in my heart for this trip to my homeland. Our Father in heaven is a gracious God. It pleases Him to fulfill both your wishes and my own. We should praise His Name all the time!
Thanks to God, that I am writing this book of witness and my sister’s faith in the Lord never changed. She even promised to donate her usable organs to those needing them in her will. She has been a generous and giving person all her life and she became even more so after becoming a Christian. I firmly believe her name is in God’s Book of Life. Although it was hardly possible for us to see each other in this life, what a wonderful thing it is to know that someday we will be able to love and adore each other in the kingdom of heaven!
Upon returning from Hohhot to Beijing, I lived in a hotel and went to see all my relatives in Beijing. Since both my nephew and my niece’s husband taught in Quinhua University, I lived in each of their homes for a few days. During my stay, I visited the post-war Quinhua campus. I saw my professor Daisun Chen, who was nearly 90 but in good health. He lived with his niece He Chen who took good care of him. I also gave my testimony to this beloved teacher of mine.
At the end of my mainland China trip, I got on the plane at Beijing and came back to the U.S. via Shanghai. After I cleared customs at Shanghai and was seated on the plane, I gasped in relief. I instantly felt that I had regained my freedom. During my days on the mainland, I had always been on my guard and I was very cautious and preoccupied with the fear that something bad would happen to me if I unknowingly did something against the local “law” or “customs.” One can never appreciate the value of freedom if one has never been in those situations.
The rules and regulations in the government of the People’s Republic of China change constantly. They’re relaxed at one time and then tightened at another. That would eventually send instability into people’s minds. When can my fellow countrymen enjoy true freedom?